Despondence arrives with spotting on the roof. Warm rain falls on the paddocks, to Grow feed for the cattle, as Hope drips warm into water. Spreading tendrils, sinking clots. Iron falls heavy With the rhythm on the tin. Metallic, rusted, and running. New moon, same loss, A failure to keep it within. The sky drops … Continue reading Breaking
Category: Internal journey
Expressing anger
I wish I had another way to express myself when I'm angry. Writing intellectualises it, and I want a more primal expression of my rage. I want to scream with creation, splash my anger across a canvas, rip and tear and shred and end up with a representation of how pissed off I am. I … Continue reading Expressing anger
The body as memory
My body knows it has memory, of pristine lines in brightly lit dance studios, floors speckled with rosin and grit, smelling of pine, hairspray, sweat. Clean things. Bright things. Moving with easy memory of millions of plies at the barre, in the centre, in preparation for every movement, catching the end of every step, jump, … Continue reading The body as memory
Exercise in voice
The thought of death, during those nights after my parents had turned out the hallway light, helped me to understand the meaning of the word dread. There is no escaping that switch, which turns one from a vital being with thoughts, things, connections, friends, into nothing. What happens to those thoughts and connections after the … Continue reading Exercise in voice
My muse awakened me
For a long time, certainly months if not years, I have been sleeping poorly. I fall asleep easily, early, but wake up throughout the night, sometimes for hours. Sometimes I don't get back to sleep. I've put it down to worry, about my failed marriage, about my work, about my stresses. I've known it was … Continue reading My muse awakened me
An invitation
The poet, Caresse, invited me to come into this. The this, so broad, so deep it has no horizon. Precious, priceless jewels so tiny they exist in theory, So vast they are incalculable. There is no longer any me in anything of value: The tiny being at the centre of my universe now has a … Continue reading An invitation
Learning to sing
The first time I sang in a choir was at a festival with the Spooky Men's Chorale. In that space with hundreds of other people, we sang: "Stop scratching it. You're only making it worse." As silly as the lyrics are, it was like magic to walk into a room and ten minutes later, be a … Continue reading Learning to sing
Humour and cynicism and snark.
Yesterday, I came across Brain Pickings, and happened onto the post 10 Learnings from 10 Years of Brain Pickings. This kind of deep reflection on what it takes to be a better human being is the kind of writing I want to be doing on this site. I feel very lucky to have encountered Brain … Continue reading Humour and cynicism and snark.
waiting
i am waiting i might not look it from outside. i function. i socialise. i eat, exercise. i do my work and i play but i am frozen. i am waiting. i expected my answer three weeks ago. two weeks ago i felt sure i would know. now i will hear in every next. moment. … Continue reading waiting
Suburban bliss
I have a lovely friend who is teaching me to ride my bike. Now, I've known how to ride a bike since I was five and my dad let go for the first time without telling me, but I've not known how to really use a bike, maintain it, and enjoy it. She is kind … Continue reading Suburban bliss
Sarah Bonnar 